Joy

Emotions are so emotional. Sometimes I just want a break. But I am discovering how to have joy no matter what is going on in my life, no matter what emotions are surfacing. God doesn't ever promise that life will be easy, but he does promise abundant life and he promises joy. Joy's there, however, I have to choose to take hold of it. 

Loneliness is something I struggle with from time to time. It's amazing what a difference it makes when Conner spends a weekend with my parents and my nights at home just feel lonelier. Just knowing that his little body isn't sleeping in the next room resonates in my inner being and I feel alone. 

Other circumstances lately have also brought this sense of loneliness back to the surface. I thought it was something that I was conquering after 3 years of singleness, but it's amazing how quickly it can sneak back up on you. 

Honestly, I've been quite tired of this one. I'm over the loneliness and have been pretty frustrated by it rearing its ugly head back up in my life. So as I was praying about it one day and trying to surrender it to the Lord and I came to a realization about something. If I rid myself of this long time underlying emotion, I need to fill the hole with something else, and the Lord gave me joy!

Unfortunately, it's not a quick fix, one time transition. I let my guard down, get comfortable, become overwhelmed by circumstances and the loneliness can quickly try and steal back it's former position. However I've learned that to live in joy I must live in worship. It really works. What a difference it makes to my day. I'm more hopeful, less anxious, and just have better perspective on life. 

Living in worship? What does that mean? For me it's a state of focus, when my entire day stays focused on the Lord. Music really shapes this for me. It's a huge part of my daily life. Anytime I am in the car, at home, in the shower, getting ready, I pretty much constantly have music on. Now don't get me wrong, I love some good music like The Civil Wars, Norah Jones, Swell Season, etc., but often times it's not very encouraging for me. In this state of my life I don't want to constantly be reminded of love and relationships and that's pretty much all music talks about. So switching out those artists with Jesus Culture, Hillsong, Bethel, Shane & Shane, etc. has totally transformed my life. They bring me into a state of continual worship. My attitude and my thoughts are completely reshaped. I begin to live in the joy God has promised. 

Then when the music is off and I have to either be at school or internship or even just have some time of quiet, the message that I have been listening to all day continues to echo in my head. It brings with it a desire to seek the Lord and to please him, not out of obligation, but out of worship!

"Then I will go to the alter of God, to God my exceeding joy; and upon the lyre I shall praise you, O God, my God." -Psalm 43:4