Joy

Emotions are so emotional. Sometimes I just want a break. But I am discovering how to have joy no matter what is going on in my life, no matter what emotions are surfacing. God doesn't ever promise that life will be easy, but he does promise abundant life and he promises joy. Joy's there, however, I have to choose to take hold of it. 

Loneliness is something I struggle with from time to time. It's amazing what a difference it makes when Conner spends a weekend with my parents and my nights at home just feel lonelier. Just knowing that his little body isn't sleeping in the next room resonates in my inner being and I feel alone. 

Other circumstances lately have also brought this sense of loneliness back to the surface. I thought it was something that I was conquering after 3 years of singleness, but it's amazing how quickly it can sneak back up on you. 

Honestly, I've been quite tired of this one. I'm over the loneliness and have been pretty frustrated by it rearing its ugly head back up in my life. So as I was praying about it one day and trying to surrender it to the Lord and I came to a realization about something. If I rid myself of this long time underlying emotion, I need to fill the hole with something else, and the Lord gave me joy!

Unfortunately, it's not a quick fix, one time transition. I let my guard down, get comfortable, become overwhelmed by circumstances and the loneliness can quickly try and steal back it's former position. However I've learned that to live in joy I must live in worship. It really works. What a difference it makes to my day. I'm more hopeful, less anxious, and just have better perspective on life. 

Living in worship? What does that mean? For me it's a state of focus, when my entire day stays focused on the Lord. Music really shapes this for me. It's a huge part of my daily life. Anytime I am in the car, at home, in the shower, getting ready, I pretty much constantly have music on. Now don't get me wrong, I love some good music like The Civil Wars, Norah Jones, Swell Season, etc., but often times it's not very encouraging for me. In this state of my life I don't want to constantly be reminded of love and relationships and that's pretty much all music talks about. So switching out those artists with Jesus Culture, Hillsong, Bethel, Shane & Shane, etc. has totally transformed my life. They bring me into a state of continual worship. My attitude and my thoughts are completely reshaped. I begin to live in the joy God has promised. 

Then when the music is off and I have to either be at school or internship or even just have some time of quiet, the message that I have been listening to all day continues to echo in my head. It brings with it a desire to seek the Lord and to please him, not out of obligation, but out of worship!

"Then I will go to the alter of God, to God my exceeding joy; and upon the lyre I shall praise you, O God, my God." -Psalm 43:4

Valuable

As a single Christian woman I constantly hear that I am to be pursued, I am to be valued, I am to be treated as a daughter of the King. It’s something that I understood, I knew, in my mind, I got it. I am an adopted daughter of the most high God and as such need to be treated like it. However, I have learned that knowing something with your head and truly believing it in your heart is two totally different things.

This month God revealed this truth to my heart and helped me push past the superficial knowledge into accepting that I am valuable. He has been relentlessly pursuing me.

For the last 3 years I have not dated. This has been no accident. I prayed to God that he would protect me from myself and not allow me to get into anymore fruitless relationships. I needed time to heal and to grow after a relationship that completely turned me upside down. And God has honored that prayer by preventing anyone from pursuing me during this time.
I tend to gravitate towards guys with great personalities, but they stink when it comes to pursuing and valuing me as a child of God.  I always would make it really easy for them because I thought that I did not deserve anything more. I would go out of my way to make them comfortable so they wouldn’t realize that I wasn’t worth the work. This pattern has now been broken.

Recently, God has been relentlessly pursuing me. What a beautiful contrast between what God is doing and what others have failed to do in order to help me begin to realize in my heart what I had heard my entire life. God was showing me through his example of what I need to look for in a man. Anything less is not what God would desire for me, because Christ Jesus has made me valuable despite my past, my insecurities, and my faults!

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” – Galatians 2:20

“For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:20

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” – Ephesians 5:1-2

“See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.” – 1 John 3:1