God I Look to You

I'm obviously not very good at writing consistently, so life has changed a good bit since my last post. I have a boyfriend! He's wonderful and so very graciously patient with me. Relationships are tough! Yes, there are the wonderful times of not being alone and sharing life with a great person, however there are also plenty of opportunities for me to notice areas in which I could use lots of growth. That is what I believe is the beauty and difficulty of relationships, it refines us in a unique way.
I must admit my anxiety has been a bit out of control for the last month. Dating a boy for 5 months, having one year left of grad school, having no clue what lies after grad school, chasing after a very active 4 year old, working 3 jobs, keeping up with all the financial pressures of a family of 2... it can all seem completely overwhelming when I try to manage it all myself. And guess what (surprise surprise), I have been trying to manage it all myself. It has made me more controlling then usual as of late and when you try to control things that are not in your control... well it's been a tough few weeks!
God is faithful! I wish I didn't wait to the point of almost having a break down to remember that! I have been reading through 1 Corinthians this week and it has placed me back on solid ground, reminding me to trust in Him. He will guide and provide according to his glory and grace. As I have mentioned before music is huge in keeping me grounded in Christ instead of my flesh and this week has proved to be no different. Jenn Johnson's song God I Look to You (posted at the end of the blog!) has been earth shattering for me. The beginning starts with petitioning God for wisdom and vision, aligning right with what I've been reading in 1 Corinthians, that we have the mind of Christ. That's what I am called to do, cry out to God, beg him to show up, ask him to give me what I need to not be overwhelmed and to continue on in a life that pleases him. The second part is my favorite. It goes straight into worship. Declaring my love for God. Naming who he is and how he is all I need. This song reminds me that I am called to ask and to worship. That doesn't mean waiting for the results I desire and then worshipping. I don't need to know the answer right away or in my time frame, I need to declare that God is in control and that his plan is far better than anything I can plan.
There are many unknowns in my life right now. I don't know where I will be in a year. I do know that God is faithful, I know that my God reigns. Therefore I don't need to know, I just need to look to God.