Monday, October 1, 2012

Adequacy

I was talking on the phone with a guy friend the other night. He was calling to get my advice about whether he should get married or not. Overwhelmed by the idea of marriage and responsibility and settling down but not wanting to have to breakup with his girlfriend who was ready to move forward or move on. Similar topics of conversation have been brought up to me by unsure guys and frustrated girls many times lately. The big question looming around our generation is why do guys not want to grow up? Why do they view family and marriage as an obligation they would rather put off than a joy that God has gifted us with? With these questions whirling in my head for a while I think I have come to one possible hypothesis. Without doing research it has no basis to be proven, but the following is the way in which the answers to the questions make sense to me.
The first thing I think of when I think of many guys in our generation is apathy, frozen in a state of not wanting to grow up and not wanting to move forward in life. More satisfied with standing still then in taking the risk of moving forward. Many of the things I've heard is "I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility" "What if I grow tired of the same person forever" "I am still looking for my great adventure" "I don't want to be held back." I sense they are all excuses as I rarely see any of these guys move on to make great solo expeditions (if anything, they could probably accomplish greater things by having a support system!). 
So when I think of apathy, I think of being frozen in place, and when I think of being frozen I think of fear. When rolling around this idea of guys experiencing fear, I was wondering what could cause this kind of fear? I thought about the influences on their perspective of marriage and family. There are worldly examples all around of being "satisfied" with independence. There are past experiences of failing in relationships. There are poor examples of men being good fathers and husbands. If 50% of marriages are falling apart, then what is to say mine will stay together? It all comes to head at a fear of being inadequate. And there are not too many examples in the world of men doing adequate jobs of holding their families together. Therefore the question remains, why risk entering into a relationship that I could fail at when I can ignore that desire for intimacy and cover it up with the fantasy world of pornography, video games, and surface relationships that I currently live in. 
But God has his hands open, overflowing with greater gifts than what the fantasy world can offer. All it takes is the courage to accept the gifts God has given to man and choosing to live in the adequacy of Christ. Who is adequate to be a spouse? to be a parent? to share the Gospel? to fulfill God's call on your life? The answer is not one of us. In myself I am inadequate for all things, but I am not called to live my own life but to live in Christ. 2 Corinthians 2:15-16 states, "For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?" Even Paul is asking, who's adequate to share the Gospel and to represent Christ. Then he answers later in 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 "Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God."
We are to live a life of confidence that comes for the Spirit. He is the only source of adequacy and he has shown that by choosing to write upon our hearts. We are called to live a life that emanates a pleasant fragrance to the Father. Am I saying marriage is perfect or easy? By no means. But the reason I believe marriage is so greatly attacked by the enemy is because of the powerful example of Christ's love as displayed in a holy marriage. What a beautiful, tangible, representation of the Gospel on Earth. I for one have a desire to fight for Godly marriages, and that is part of the reason I do what I do. I just pray to see more men stand up to fight for the gifts and responsibilities God has given us as well.  

2 comments:

  1. very well spoken! Far too many people view marriage as either a burden or something that can easily be dissolved if it doesn't work. I am ready to see our generation make a change here!

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  2. I love it, Meghan! Very well said! It looks like God is teaching you a lot :)

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